Ask Lady Joan

It’s been a emotional and busy time for me.  Mostly doing things that I know are safe and make me feel good, keeping clear of sad and negative situations.  I had enough of those, last month alone, three people I care about either died or had a important person in their life die.  Hense I have been laying low.

Things are moving well in my personal life.  I cannot complain, even if I do, who really wants to listen.  Laughs…

I am getting ready to go away this weekend, Forbidden, I am really looking forward to this and hope to see some of you there.   I love this event.

I am slowly coming back to things as I want them and doing things I have put aside, so I hope that I will be writing more here and keeping up to date in my blog.

Thanks for everyones understanding as I know each of us morn differently, although sometimes similiar.  I also know it takes about a year to come out of the daze, especially of someone who was very important in my life.  So baby steps back.

So today I got up early to be ready for the new bed I bought last week.  I had decided not to wash the new expensive bedding till I knew for sure that it would fit the bed.  You know these days with the pillow top, some bedding won’t fit.  The bed arrived just before 7:30 am.  The two young men, set it up for me.  I put on the mattress cover, it just fits, then the top sheet.  Wow it’s so soft and silky to the touch.  It fits as well, so I open all the new bedding, count out my quarters and head into the laundry room to wash it.

1/2 hour I go back in and switch it to the dryer.  I come back to my apartment for an hour and then go back to fetch  my clean fresh sheets… OMG THE DRYER DOOR IS OPEN AND MY NEW SHEETS, PILLOW CASES AND SHAMES ARE ALL GONE!

I am just dumb founded, tell the superintended, nothing he can do.  Call the police to report it, I really don’t think they can do any thing but it is what I should do.  I am just in such disbelief and angry that someone did this.

Now , do I go out and replace it or go and buy cheap stuff.  Does this mean I need to sit with my laundry when I do it.  *sighs*   I Cannot beleive it!

I know it is not just me, it cannot be so.  I am not sure what others call this, but I feel like I am hung over.   I did not drink any boozes,  just was water, and yet this morning I am hung over and so tired with a smile upon my lips from ear to ear.

It’s a play hang over.  I get them every time after a night of sceneing once or twice and have done as many as 4.  Greedy I know, but what can I say, I have good friends who ask me and it is my pleasure to do so.

Frustration as well, as after a good night of scening, I come home alone to an empty apartment and my energy is not released.  It’s the price one pays for being single and with no collared ones.  Self gratification is good, but as most will acknowledge if truthful is not the same as having one who you care for enjoy the after glow of such a night.  Although one will wake up more hung over and a bigger smile.

It’s a potatoe couch kind of day, as I know as well my thoughts and body are working well at all.  Perhaps after a shower, I will re-energies.  I need to as I know I have something on the agenda this evening.

I have been off line for 9 years.  In those 9 years I have had 4 serious D/s relationships.  Serious as in it was an on going and the D/s was more serious then the vanilla side of things.  Which I always find difficult, as in reality I live both a D/s life as well as a vanilla one.

Most of the 9 years I have been on my own, with only play friends to release my sadistic side.  I have always found it difficult to D/s with friends as I think of the D/s of this lifestyle more then just play.  It is a mind set and for a mind set I think one has to be more serious with the person.

The sadistic side of me, is easily fed, with people that I know that are masochistic and one of the serious relationships I had was a 4 year play period only.  So in fact I  then could say I had 3 serious relationships in 9 years.

The finding of those who want to play and be collared is not the difficult part, as I have a line up of subs and slaves wanting to be at my feet.  The difficulty is finding the right chemistry.  It is not unlike many vanilla relationship, finding one who fits.  Only difference is our dynamics are different.

I keep searching, and once in a while I believe I find the sub or slave that I believe will fit to my want list.  I get just as excited every time I do, but I find the more times that things don’t work out, that I don’t get as distressed as I just think, keep looking and remember what you learned from that experience.

I encourage others to do the same, take your time, make a list of things you want and things you definately don’t want.  Ask all kinds of questions and be honest with yourself and to the person that you are considering.  Don’t rush in as you still can have a lot of fun with play friends.  Don’t settle to have a quick fix and don’t give up.

I keep hearing that I am not the norm… I am different… I take pride in being different.  How am I different, well apparently my acceptance of others and their life styles.

I cannot imagine others in this day and age not being acceptant of others.  It seems the more we come forward the more we go backwards lately.  What I fought and so many at my age fought to have the right to be different, there seems to be an unlay of still wanting to be the same and making others that maybe square fit into the round hole.

In some ways I am still innocent and have my colour rose glasses on, as I see each person as an idividual and accept them for their differences as well as their similiarities to society.  I base my friendships on their personality and not their gender, kinks or status in life.  Acceptance to me, does not mean I have to like all that they like or dislike, it means I have to live with myself and my beleifs and whether they fit into my comfort zones.  Even if I feel uncomfortable with someones ways, and even if I am not friends with them, does not mean I cannot accept them for who they are, it just means I don’t hang with them.

My expectations are often dislussuoned within a group of people who fought for their rights to be who they are and have society accept them, and then I hear even within these groups there is a low tolerence of others who are different themselves.  It does not make sense to me at all, and I have a hard time understanding why.

So I am different, I am proud to be different and I know if I had not been different many of the people I call friends and loved ones, would not be in my life and I would have missed out on so much love and great friendships.